Author: Nancy Malcolm

I am a photographer, writer, mother, grandmother, wife, retired educator, friend, aunt, sister, and believer. I am a motherless daughter.
Posted in Friendship

Ride Like The Wind

Posted on by Nancy Malcolm

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“The bicycle, the bicycle surely, should always be the vehicle of novelists and poets…”  Christopher Morley

 

I’ve always loved to ride my bike.  I’m a professional amateur.  I have all the bells and whistles, yet I just cruise the neighborhood.

My husband bought me my first adult bike fifteen years ago.  I love that old, green bike!  We’ve taken it to the beach and almost everyone in our family has ridden it at least once.  However,  time, stress and a few mishaps have taken its toll, not to mention that it needs new brakes.

Last year I purchased a fancy, light-weight, thin-tired, sleek-seated, lightening-fast, silver bike.  Then, my husband said I must have the padded biker shorts and loud printed shirt to go with.  Next, gloves were added  because these arthritic hands need the extra padding!

Truthfully, the padded shorts and gloves feel great, but when I get all decked out, I feel a little foolish, especially riding the one mile to our mailboxes.  Oh sure, we’ve taken longer rides and occasionally I ride to the HEB for a few lightweight items (sans the outfit), but still I am an amateur in professional clothing.

I do feel conspicuous in my gear, but what I really feel is exhilarated!  As I pedal through the neighborhood, I may look like a senior citizen in biker gear, pumping the brakes and weaving a bit; but inside, I’m riding like the wind!  I’m blazing new trails and I’m a good twenty-five years younger!
As you pass me by on the streets, don’t honk, just give me the “nod”.  That’s what we bikers do…we’re cool like that.

Life is like riding a bicycle..in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving.  Albert Einstein

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Posted in Friendship

Home

Posted on by Nancy Malcolm

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It will happen to all of us, this aging process.  If we are ‘lucky’ enough, we will grow old and eventually need more care, possibly more care than our families can provide.  This is a part of life.

 

Perhaps, we are the ones making choices for our loved ones.  We are making decisions on where to live and how to be cared for.  “This is your new home,” we say.  

 

I see it in their eyes and feel it in the atmosphere; “This is not my home.” they think.  Oh, some people adjust, like Auntie Sue.  She was positive, grateful and kind no matter her circumstance; no matter where she was.  But it is hard for others.  It’s not familiar or comfortable…it doesn’t sound like home or smell like home.  “My heart is not here,” they think.  “I want to go home.”

 

I don’t have a response or even an alternative suggestion; I wish I did.  For it is not always possible to give our loved ones the answers they want.  So, we dig deep into our souls and bring out our bowels of compassion, love and care.  We remember the dignity of others.  We respect privacy and requests for certain things….familiar things.  We do the best we can.

 

Yes, it will happen to all of us, this aging process; if we are ‘lucky’.

 

Posted in Grandmother

Sam

Posted on by Nancy Malcolm

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This story was written seven years ago upon the birth of my Grandson, Sam.

 

Sam.  Sam is on my mind.  Sam is my new Grandbaby and he is the absolute sweetest, most pure piece of God that I have ever seen.

I always doubted myself as a mother…wondering what, if anything, I was doing right and exactly how many things was I doing wrong? (the list continues)  But, now that I’m a Grandmother, I want the list to stop.

This is my opportunity to just “love”.  I don’t want to keep score, or make second guesses or lay awake at night in fear of doing “it” wrong.  I want this opportunity to let my daughter be herself and be the mother she was meant to be.  I want this chance to just love them…as they are, without criticisms, doubts or worry.  I only want acceptance, delight, gratitude, hugs, cookies and sweet dreams.

Do I know that life is always unpredictable?  Yes.  Should I be prepared for ups and downs and times that are so hard, that you think your heart will break?  Absolutely.  But, now I have Sam.  I know him.  I have smelled his sweet baby smell and breathed it in like a life-preserver.  I already love him and I look forward to our journey together.  Nannie and Sam.

 

Happy Birthday dear Sam!  The time passes too quickly…

Posted in Friendship

Little People….Big Conversations

Posted on by Nancy Malcolm

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Written by:  Nancy Malcolm

Recently, I had the privilege of driving with two of my grandsons in the car.  I was instantly reminded of days gone by when my daughters were younger and I would be taking one of them and a friend somewhere.  Oh, the conversations they would have!

But, as life has unfolded, we are a true blended family now, my husband and I.  We each maintain good relationships with our ex-spouses and often, we are all together at family events because of our children.

On this particular drive, one of the boys asked me, “Did you know PaPa used to be married to Nana?”  The other one, in shock said, “They did not….did they?”  I said that yes, I knew that and before I could go any further, they were into a discussion about life, divorce and marriage.  I proceeded to explain the situation in simple terms, but as we all know, it’s not a simple matter.  Still, as we drove, I was glad they felt comfortable enough to ask me questions and to share their thoughts.

A big part of me is gut wrenchingly sad that these two precious boys even know about divorce, but life rarely fits into a cookie cutter mold of perfection.  I wish I could make their little lives smooth, peaceful and worry-free forever.  I know I cannot control other people’s behavior or tell them how to live their lives; however, I can trust in a power greater than myself to take care of these boys and send blessings their way.  I can be a loving Nannie and be the best grandparent I can be.  I can provide a safe and accepting home for visits and car ride discussions.

And as is the case with little boys, as suddenly as that conversation started, it ended and their latest Lego purchase took center stage.  Just for today, I can let go of worry and enjoy the ride.

Posted in Friendship

Jazzy J by Nancy Malcolm

Posted on by Nancy Malcolm

 

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I’ve come full circle… I’m taking Jazzercise again, some thirty years later!  I’ve always been a walker and even had my years as a “gym rat”, but now I’m doing Jazzercise and it’s so fun!

My daughter was right, there are either young mothers trying to find time to exercise or ladies in their 50’s and up.  I’m at the high end of that group.

The music is current and I’ve been ‘busting a move’ or two that I haven’t done in a long time.  Where else can you chasse’, releve’ and step ball change to the fast, sexy beat of Pit Bull?   I rest my case!

There are a few women much older than I.  They can’t do everything that the rest of us do (or attempt to do), but they’re there everyday….movin’, goovin’ and laughin’.  Me too, I’m having a blast.

As Auntie Sue used to say, “Honey, you gotta keep moving!”

I rest my case!

Posted in Friendship

Space by Nancy Malcolm

Posted on by Nancy Malcolm

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Space.  Somewhere between right and wrong.  Somewhere between what you thought you knew and the truth.  There always seems to be space, or a breath, a whisper, a blink.  There is always this place where life really lives.

There’s space between words..”I love you.”  “I love you too.”  Or space between “How are you?” and “fine.” Sometimes there are so many words within that space just begging to come out, but not knowing how.

When my grandson was born I noticed a new space.  The space between his nose and lips… that tender dip and the space on the back of his neck where the sweet spot is.  That miracle of life space, that we all start out with, but sometimes forget we have.

I love the space my husband and I share when one of our girls is telling a story and we glance across the room at each other and smile or laugh.  That space within the glance that says, ‘I’m happy’ or ‘We are so blessed’.  I can also dread space.  The space between life and death…the minutes or days of slowing breath and closed eyes.  The space between a relationship ending or beginning.

The space between love and hate; happiness and despair…it’s such a fine line, a space of time.  A thought or prayer or beat of your heart.  There’s space between being…space between lovers who are breathing the same breath.  Or the lonely space when love has gone away.

Ever hear that phrase, “I need my space?”  I believe we all do…we need our space.  Space brings us near…it pushes us away…it is the creator of life full circle.  It is a good thing, this space thing.

Posted in Friendship

Shades by Nancy Malcolm

Posted on by Nancy Malcolm

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For my birthday, my husband gave me a gift card to a fancy sun glasses store in the mall.  I can tell you I was more than a little hesitant for two reasons:  1)  I’d never spent that much on sun glasses before  2) I’m not really a shopper.  Possibly 3)  did I look that bad in my old glasses?

It’s a small store by mall standards, but it’s always crowded.  So, in I went one day, alone.  I thought I could zip in and out and I’d be done.  That was my first mistake or at least disillusion.

There are hundreds of types, brands, shapes, prices, tints and designs.  And as I picked up my first pair to slip on, I saw the price tag was more than the cost of a month of groceries for a family of four.  Wow!!  At least this proved to me that I had good taste,  (I thought).    I perused the store and finally settled on two to choose from.

The cutest sales girl came over and asked, “Ma’m, may I help you?”  “Yes!”, I answered, “Which one looks best?”  She hesitated….then went on to explain about my face shape and talk about whether the sun glasses would be for everyday or was I getting them for a specific outfit.  Did she mistake me for Kim Kardashian??  “Everyday,” I said shyly.  

We walked the store again, trying on as we went.  Finally, I said, “Honey, if I was your mother, which ones would you want me to get?” and bingo…we found the perfect pair.

I paid and she was placing my beautiful glasses into their new case when she said, “This was so much fun!  I’m glad you came in!”  “Me too,” I said, and we hugged.

So, If you see me out and about these days, you may not recognize me right away behind these everyday, glamorous sun glasses, but I’m still the same old me…just looking good!

 

 

Posted in Friendship

The Pressure by Nancy Malcolm

Posted on by Nancy Malcolm

 

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I’ve got “The Pressure”.  I used to blame it on my job as a High School Administrator.  Chasing kids, organizing events and talking with angry parents were all parts of my job, but I’m retired now, and I still have “The Pressure.”  The Blood Pressure!

“Lose weight,” they said.  “Don’t use salt.”  “Exercise regularly.”  “Avoid stressful situations.”  “Only one glass of wine per day.”  Hmmmm, “anything else?” I asked.  “Oh yes,  take this pill everyday and try not to worry about it…I’ll see you in six months, and in your case, it’s probably hereditary anyway.”

“Hmmmm,” I thought.  It’s a lot of pressure to have “The Pressure,” and follow the guidelines , while not worrying.

I truly believe that no one gets out of this life without ‘something’, whether it be “The Pressure,” “The Sugar,” or “Old Arthur,” everyone has something.

So, just for today, I’ll walk a few steps farther, put down the salt shaker and not worry about the wine….just for today!

Recovering perfectionist seeking reduction in pressure.

What’s your six word memoir?

Posted in Friendship

That’s What Friends Do: by Nancy Malcolm

Posted on by Nancy Malcolm

 

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Forever….That’s how long a friendship lasts, even if it ends.  We always have that feeling, that knowing, the absolute truth about our friends that stays  in our hearts forever.  You can always retrieve it whenever you need it.

It is a place where we are safe.  A true friendship is non-perishable, its organic, its eternal.  Imagine that when you die, you can still take a part of your friend with you.  A friend loves forever.  I believe Heaven must be filled with BFF’s!  And God said, “This is good.”

A friend listens to you even when they have heard the story before.  A friend will even smile and ask questions, all the while, knowing the answer.

A friend will ask you how you are and really want to know the truth.  ‘Just fine’ or ‘Ok’ will rarely do, and especially concerning matters of the heart.

A friend will go with you to choose your second or even third wedding dress  because a  true friend is always your biggest cheerleader.

When  you just have to tell someone…when no one else will understand….when blue skies are grey and getting cloudier…when no one would believe it…you must tell your friend.

That’s what friends do.

Listen.  Talk.  Share.  Smile.  Hug.  Write.  Drive.  Pray.  Laugh.  Love.  Enjoy.  Like.  Give. Take.  Save.  Help.

Posted in Friendship

A Penny Saved… by Nancy Malcolm

Posted on by Nancy Malcolm

 

 

My Daddy was always frugal.  He grew up in the Depression and upon his passing, we found much evidence of his thrifty ways, tucked among his belongings.  I won’t get into all the details, but, trust me, every nook and cranny was a Glory Hole in his eyes.

The man loved to save rubber bands, ink pens and string.  Every hear of the ‘World’s largest ball of twine’?  He had it!  And pieces of foil?  (omg)  He believed that you should wipe off and reuse foil whenever possible, which meant always.

Daddy could stretch a dollar and also stretch a meal.  He loved left-over night and finding all the surprises hidden away in the back of the fridge.  Sometimes this could cause mealtime strife, especially if he was at my house going through my refrigerator.  He would open, smell and exclaim, “It’s still good, let’s finish it up!”.  To which I would answer, “Daaaaddddy, please don’t do that”.

Yes, some of his economizing would make me cringe, like trying to get a ‘deal’ on everything he purchased and having a coupon for everything else.  But, I think of him now, everytime I buy something on sale and I know he would be proud.

My Daddy was always frugal…frugal like a fox!  His scrimping and saving sent my brother and I to college and allowed him to live comfortably until he left this world.  Although, I had some embarrassing times with him, I would give anything to see his eyes sparkle again, when I asked, “I’ve got a coupon for a chocolate dip cone at Dairy Queen, want to go?”

I know he’d say yes!

 

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