As much as my father was a stern, ex-Navy, electrical engineer, rule follower; he had a light, gentle side that was creative and musical. This lighter side occasionally escaped to participate in artistic activities, but they were short-lived and methodically planned. Happiness came when he was outdoors, building things with his hands, fishing or traveling. The rest of his encouragement came from music, specifically jazz.
When Daddy played his Pete Fountain 33 LP and Just a Closer Walk with Thee came alive, there was a shift in his demeaner. His feet moved and his face smiled. He was transported from our little three-bedroom rental, away from the duties of work and caring for two small children without a mother. He was at peace.
I am weak, but Thou art strong. Jesus, keep me from all wrong.
I’ll be satisfied as long, as I walk, let me walk close to Thee.
He would sing and dance around the house while those smooth clarinet sounds came through the speaker. We only had a turntable that played one album at a time, but we knew Daddy’s albums were sacred. He wiped them off before and after each use with a special soft, black cloth and when finished, gently slid them into the correct cover jacket. “There’s only one way to take care of your records and that’s ‘the right way.’”
Just a closer walk with Thee. Grant it, Jesus, is my plea.
Daily walking close to Thee. Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.
When my feeble life is o’er, time for me will be no more.
Guide me gently, safely o’er, to Thy kingdom’s shore, to Thy shore.
When Daddy passed away in 2009, we opened the white, 3-ring binder that would guide us through his service, burial, insurance, obituary, and anything else we needed to know or do. We would have expected no less from his take-charge personality, as organization was one of his greatest skills. He planned for everything from vacations to tornados, so it was only natural that he planned for his death.
Although most of us considered him tight with his money, he loved to save it, make spread sheets about it, and keep track of every penny. Thus, his funeral was pre-paid, meticulously planned and organized in that 3-ring binder with homemade dividers. The dividers were yet another example of his creativity and frugalness. Why buy something when you could make it yourself?
Years before his death, he tried to show me his binder every time I came for a visit.
“Everything you need to know will be in here,” he’d say.
“I know, Daddy. I just hate to think of you being gone.”
Still, I would sit beside him and let him go page to page explaining every detail.
When Daddy passed, Just A Closer Walk with Thee was played, as he requested, piped in over the mourners. It was not Pete Fountain, but the good old Methodist hymn played by an organ. In the end, my father stuck by his rigid, conventional rules for a proper send off. But I have often wondered if Pete Fountain might have led him with a smile as he reached those kingdom shores.
I wish Daddy could have stepped out of his fixed way of thinking and had a little piece of himself that might have surprised a few. Not everyone knew he had a softer side and maybe he liked it that way. The old hymns were his comfort zone and whether heard from an organ or a smooth clarinet, his funeral was just as he wanted.
In this fast-paced, all-about-me, live for today world, I fear the pre-planning folks may be few and far between. Daddy’s propensity to control and prepare gives me pause, as I realize how thoughtful it was in the end, like a gift from beyond. He saved us from worry, and more stress. He kept us from having to make decisions on what we ‘thought’ he might want, and mostly he had everything just the way he wanted.
As for me, I hope to be prepared and pre-paid. I want an old-fashioned sing-along with hymns and songs that express my sentiment. I want my girls to know that I’m ok and happily crossing to that kingdom shore, and if Pete Fountain happens to make his way onto the play-list, well, you’ll know I’m dancing on streets of gold. “This one’s for you, Daddy!”
Just a closer walk with Thee. Grant it Jesus, is my plea.
Daily walking close to Thee. Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.
Sittin' Ugly Sistahs 